May 11, 2014

Watercolors

Yesterday as David and I sat on our front porch talking, he asked me how I was doing with the approach of Mother's Day. To be honest, I didn't know how to respond. I guess I still don't. The best way I could put it into words is that I just feel quiet.

Quiet is really the best way to describe it. My feelings are on level that is so deep, that there really aren't words to describe them. Just... quiet.

I'm not distraught, bitter or upset, far from it. I'm not even sure I would consider myself sad today. But I'm not exactly frolicking in fields of wildflowers either (actually, that would be impossible today considering it's snowing at the moment). I'm somewhere in between, and much further below the surface.

If I could describe the way I feel in a visual form, I think it would be a watercolor painting. It's right there in front of you. There is clearly a painting there.. It' beautiful and real, but to try and describe it in great detail would prove difficult. You can see there are layers, blending, different gradients of color and varying degrees of saturation. It's obvious there was a lot of time and effort that went into the painting. But if you were to try and describe this painting to someone who could not see it, you would most certainly fall short. To try and pinpoint where one color fades into another, or where one brush stroke blends with another is impossible to discern. There's to much complexity to describe. And yet, the image is so simple.

That's kind of how I feel in general about Mother's Day and our journey up to this point. There has been so much that has happened, so many years that have gone by, so many layers....I fall short at being able to describe it anymore.

3 comments:

Amanda said...

That was beautiful Becky! I really couldn't agree more... how I'm doing is just too hard to explain. There are layers upon layers of this experience. I'm not sure I could explain it if I tried.

Caroline said...

Thinking of you and believing you will be able to celebrate a Mothers Day with babies in your arms xoxo

Christine said...

What a beautiful description! I love you, and I wonder what it will be like when God shows you the bigger picture some day. Though we don't know what your future holds, we know God loves you and promises good plans for you. :) Thank you for sharing your beautiful heart along this journey.

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Hi friends, my name is Becky and this is my journey through running a photography business, being a loving wife, 4+ years infertility, traveling and adventuring with my dear husband, following hard after Jesus and seeking out joy in every area of my life. I'm glad you're here!

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